Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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