why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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