the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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