Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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