I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
