they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
