I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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