I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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