Pappa wants mamma naked
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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