??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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