I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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