you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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