So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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