you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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