So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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