she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
