i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
