apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
