Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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