I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he wants to bone in the snuggie
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
