He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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