so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
