So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
