Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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