he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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