Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
