did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
