I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
