Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
