I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This house was built for laser tag.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
