wakey wakey hands off snakey
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize