Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
