Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
