Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
