there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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