I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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