party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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