***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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