The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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