now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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