We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
