My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come on in and take your pants off
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