I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize