barbara walters just said penis...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
