We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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