I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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