You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
