I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
