apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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