I wish I could teleport
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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