Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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