DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
