Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm too high and old for this...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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