Taylor Swift is so right about you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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