just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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