I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
