just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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