you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
