sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
