I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
