Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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