Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
