You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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