How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
