rhymes with "ouble enetration"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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