The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
