I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
