Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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