is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
