His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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