The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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